The Tragedy of Walter and the Exploding Whale
“My insurance company is not going to believe this”
Walter Uemenhoefer had just bought his 1971 Oldsmobile in Eugene, sold by a tagline that said, “Get a WHALE of a DEAL”. He was a business executive for Kingsford Charcoal company. On this day he was undercover in Florence, Oregon to try and find a new location for a charcoal plant.
He found himself on a beach where the Oregon Highway Division was getting ready to remove a 16,000 pound dead Sperm Whale using 20 sticks of dynamite. Not just an expert with charcoal and heat, Walt had training in his past with military grade explosives, in the military. So when he approached George Thorton, (the unfortunate OHD worker tasked with the whale clean-up), and told him it was a bad idea, he was very qualified to say that. Thorton and OHD figured that the half ton of explosives would disintegrate the carcass. You’d think an extraordinary amount of dynamite wouldn’t leave any overbearing or large whale chunks. Walt knew that it wasn’t that simple.
KATU, A local news crew, had been documenting the entire event. Walt probably told them as well that dynamite was a bad idea, but we can’t guarantee. Paul Linnman, the news anchor that day, and cameraman Doug Brazil were ready to document something unusual. There were about 75 bystanders that were just hanging out watching this unfold. Walt could only sit back and watch in terror/confusion/concern during this undercover mission of his.
Thorton counts down, the cameras respond, and the people watch intently. It’s a beautiful explosion. The dark sand mixes eerily well with the whale innards, caught in 70’s era camera quality by Doug Brazil. Quickly, however, the cameras had to turn right off as every human had to run for survival. Walt’s foreshadowed issue with the explosion was correct. The blast went off as intended, but it only cut the whale into massive, heavy, chunks. Chunks subject to the pressures only of gravity and nature. Any of these chunks could have injured a human, with some so big they could have killed one. Thankfully no humans were injured, but a catastrophe still hit.
Walter Uemenhoefer, a voice of reason against the whole charade, had his car destroyed by a gigantic chunk of falling whale. It gets worse though, as the chunk flew for a quarter of a mile over a sand dune and right onto Walt’s car. A Whale of a deal has now been struck in a cruel twist of fate. The one who warned of the problem was the only one punished. While everyone was subject to whales blood and the horrid smell, Walt was the one who lost the most.
The entire situation is bizarre. If you want to read more of the Whale Explosion situation, explore the article on Ragtag Magazine here
